i want to be truly happy on my 'birthdays'. I can't imagine ever being happy while simultaneously expecting things from others, selfishly. whatever i do that day needs to have gratitude at its core.
what is a birthday? clearly i'm not getting born every year.
the day is meant to commemorate your actual day of birth, which occurred years ago. and we typically expect the world to do fantastic things for us. as if so much isn't already being done for us already! And if my happiest moment is such a day, then won't the attitude of needing things being done for me permeate into the rest of my year as well?
these approximately 365 day intervals from almost 30 years ago will be a day where i show my gratitude to the world -- the people, the places, the things that have brought me to where i am today. And I hope from that when the capstone of my year is giving to others, the attitude pervades into a daily habit of the same gratitude and giving.
that somebody does something for me will never again be expected. but it must always be appreciated. even if nobody ever gives me anything again, intrinsically i know how much my existence costs to the world. As we rape the earth, exploit the voiceless, and ignore it all just to live for another day of personal gain. No, just to be alive at all is a gift that was not freely given.
on my day of birth i took on a debt to the world so great that it can only be paid diligently through action on every day of my life. it can be paid through daily gratefulness and giving, and participating in the great cycle of good that comes from each of us being willing to help each other satisfy our needs before any one person's wants. i hope to find more ways of paying off this debt. when we focus our mind on an end, the ways to it always appear. hello world smile emoticon